Un known

I seek the unknown
and chase what I cannot name
into the darkness, I chase it
into drunkenness and beyond despair
No matter how hard I search
it eludes me
it escapes me
No matter how many legs spread wide
or the number of smiles I see
Kind, loving words or
sharp tongued barbs
I do not find it when my hand
closes around her throat and I feel her cum
It isn’t there when I hold my best friend
and tell him I love him
It is absent when I see tears in my sister’s eyes
and she tells me she has missed me
haven’t found it in a warm embrace
of a glass of wine
or the cold clench of parted thigh
Not even the moments of solitude
grant me this desire
Nor the memories of past lives
The ache persists
through every day
never tiring because it is
never sated
and the words to describe it
are as foreign as the way
to fix it

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