I was drinking,
not the drunk that I usually am,
not quite anyway,
when I heard a voice.
It was present in a way that I had never felt,
as if it were coming from me
and not from me at the same time,
almost as if it were the very air around me.
The voice started speaking words of love
and I felt a sense of belonging
that had escaped me for so many years
and I knew that it was God that spoke to me
and was offering me salvation
in his arms again,
if only I would accept and let go of my sins.
It was there that I started to get distracted,
started to fall into my own head,
this God voice
this all around,
from me but not from me
that I felt in the deepest part of my brain,
was asking for me to come back to him
I just need to give up my sins,
I needed to stop being a sinner
so that I could see the kingdom of heaven
and behold the wonders of eternal life,
I felt that calm come over me,
and I knew I could not say no,
not to God,
a God that came to me when I never went to Him.
Truly this was something,
a miracle perhaps,
to hear God’s voice in my head.
God did not stop there though,
he kept speaking
and the words became more clear
and I didn’t have to feel them so much as I could just listen
and bask in the glory of His wisdom.
He spoke of those that had passed before me
and how I would see them again
and run through the green fields,
without fear in my heart
and that peace would follow me,
love would be the path
that my every footstep fell upon.
That I would never need drink or eat,
because the Spirit would fill me
and sustain me
through all time,
that the trials of the past will no longer haunt me,
the pain of what had been would be forever gone.
The voice became a warmth inside of me,
and I felt my body grow wet with sweat,
I felt the heat rise in the room and watched the windows
begin to fog up
and I knew that He was close.
He was there and was talking to me,
my alcohol was gone but I had no more need for it,
I had the Lord to keep me,
to give me peace and heal the pain
and I never need turn anywhere but Him for that escape ever again.
God had come for me, and I was ready to accept him into my heart
and into my soul
and to forever cast out temptation and I began to say a prayer:
thou art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name.
thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Though I walk through the shadow of doubt,
I fear no evil
for thou art with me.”
And I said this prayer with every fiber of me,
so that God would know I was His
and only His.
And then the voice fell silent,
and the warmth left as the sweat dried on my flesh,
the windows cleared
while my empty bottle rolled into the corner
and I could remember the sound of God’s voice
and all I could think of was
how God had spoken with a Mexican accent.
I was drinking,